Dude… I’m no. 1 on Google Images for the keywords small kurd.

Dear Mike~

In the article “Apple, Microsoft prepare for war with new systems“, you mention that The name Longhorn just doesn’t get people very excited — unless they live in Texas. Actually, people from Oklahoma, Kansas, Mexico, and Cuba also have the potential to get excited, as longhorn cattle exist in those areas.

Let’s turn the argument around:
The name Tiger just doesn’t get people very excited — unless they live in China, the Russian Federation, North Korea, Indonesia, Cambodia, Laos, Malaysia, Burma, Thailand, Vietnam, India, Bhutan, Nepal, or Bangladesh. Hmm.

One particular anecdote from my high school years stands out: I was heading to the student lounge to eat lunch one afternoon. For some reason, I didn’t see a metallic folding chair lying on the floor. I walked over it; the chair shot out from under my feet and I was soon horizontal to the floor. I fell straight on my back, and luckily my backpack softened my fall. A friend and I laughed so hard, we had tears. What made it funny was the fact that it closely resembled what you’d see in an old cartoon when someone tripped over a banana peel.

Me: Hello?

PH: Hi, this is Purple Heart. Is the lady of the house present?

Me: There’s no lady here.

PH: Okay; then I’ll catch you later.

Is it just me or was this Purple Heart employee a bit sexist? I mean, does she think that men are incapable of donating clothes? HA! I have ten large bags of clothes (not to mention four other huge piles and a dozen or so shirts on hangers) in my living room as I write this. Purple Heart just lost out on the mother lode. Serves them right for being sexist ninnies. I’ll just donate it all to Goodwill in spite of them. The nerve to assume that only bored housewives with nothing to do in the early afternoon are the only people capable of putting bags of clothing or unwanted toys out for the Purple Heart truck! Then again, it takes prodding to get the average man to even take out the garbage, so I guess I’m beginning to understand. But still…

What’s with the Sheryl Crow lyric “She likes lingerie, but he prefers the sombrero“? It seems simple at first, but if you think about it, it’s really vague. Does it mean that she likes lingerie, but he prefers that she wear a sombrero? Should she wear it in addition to the lingerie or instead of said lingerie? In this context, why would the man not prefer lingerie to a sombrero? Is this man Mexican? Or could it mean that he simply prefers wearing a sombrero on his head to wearing women’s underwear? Would this sombrero be worn in the traditional manner, or placed strategically in lieu of underwear?

Isn’t lingerie really just a shopping mall term for underpants? It’s like a man walking up to you and saying, “I like socks” or, “I like shirts.” If said in a certain, absent-minded way, this declaration could no doubt make one feel uncomfortable. The woman’s preference for lingerie, I think, is really just her acclamation that “I’m sexy and I’m in control.” The man, with his preference for a large Mexican hat is in effect saying, “I wear the pants in the family; I’m manly, I’m ethnic, and I’m out of control in my Mexican hat.”

Living by yourself means taking forever to finish large containers of condiments. For instance, I am only on my third jar of peanut butter in over 18.7 months (6.2 months per jar). Also, it has been 570 days since I purchased my current jar of mayo and a full 381 days since it expired. Just so long as it isn’t sour or doesn’t have visible bacterial growth, I’m perfectly fine with it.