I think I was deprived of tomatoes in a past life.
I'm an abortion foe opposed to a woman's right to choose. However, I'm pro-choice on gun ownership and voluntary school prayer.
Why do we never hear the phrase 'Black Trash'?
Before I die, I want to meet an anorexic woman named Bertha.
Just because a drunk driver had an at-fault accident doesn't necessarily mean that the intoxication was the cause of the accident.
The phrase "truth is relative" is an absolute statement.
People who practice true tolerance must tolerate intolerant people; ex.: a tolerant person welcomes and accepts prejudiced and bigoted people.
There is no such thing as true altruism.
An update of the pro choice slogan "Every child a wanted child": "Every unwanted child a dead child."
If you want to print this page, but you don't have a printer handy, simply carry this monitor to the nearest Xerox machine.
Masochists should not follow the Golden Rule.
If the pope, who is infallible, says "I am not infallible", what would happen? If we accept this statement because Church doctrine says that he is infallible, we would also be accepting that he is fallible. Yet, if we do not accept this statement (because, after all, he isn't fallible) we would also be inadvertently implying his fallibility.
To the person who thinks the customer is always right: what if two customers have a fundamental disagreement?
My stapler is playing mind games with me.
One thing the Gore election lawyers didn't think of: urge the Florida state legislature to have the state secede from the Union! That would've been the only possible way for him to win.
The gladiator was glad he ate her.
Overheard on a radio public service announcement: "…don't drink or drive…"
If someone who is always dishonest says "I am a liar", he is both telling the truth and lying at the same time.
A wheat farmer in Iowa returns a new camera because all the photos came out grainy.
Comment to a homeless (albeit untalented) street musician: "Don't quit your day job… oh wait.."
I'm so sick of my job… hey, good excuse to use up all the sick leave I've accumulated…
I'm not paranoid…but everyone thinks I am..
Practice moderation…but only in moderation.
Yesterday and Today, the 'Butcher Cover', should've been called 'Meat the Beatles'!
There are exceptions to every rule…except this one.