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Is there something about the sight of Lindsay Lohan with one closed eye that movie execs find particularly attractive? Apparently so, for three of her past four feature films contain pervasive promotional material that features her winking gratuitously to the camera, breaking the fourth wall in the process. Consider these images from Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, Herbie: Fully Loaded, and her newest film, Just My Luck.

As far as I can tell, Fox has even factored Lohan’s winking into the plot of Just My Luck, as the tagline “Everything changed in the wink of an eye.” appears on the official movie poster. I have a feeling this is going to get worse before it gets better.

Amazon.com‘s wishlist goes German on me… It’s funny that the other options aren’t in German, only the first, translated as “I must have.” Amazon does have a German site, so there must be a cross-pollination thing going on or something.

File this one in the that’s gotta be intentional department: check out the new HD trailer for the upcoming Mel Gibson film Apocalypto. At approximately 1:46 into the clip, this frame appears for a fraction of a second. Going over the sequence a second and third time, I could barely make out the image when viewed in real time: Mel in a wife-beater and unbuttoned plaid workshirt, a Camel hanging from his smiling mouth, full beard and head of hair. Totally insane.

Apparently, I’m a bit late on this scoop, but better late than never.

Lennon starts off the song with “If I fell in love with you…” Fell in this context is incorrect. He had two choices — he could have used the subjunctive mood: “If I were to fall in love…” or the implied future tense: “If I fall in love…” He chose the simple past tense — when coupled with “If”, it seems as if John is uncertain about whether or not he fell. Not the intended meaning, I’m sure.

The implied future tense of “If I fall in love…” make the most sense, both grammatically and rhythmically. Furthermore, it parallels the second and third verses, which start with the implied future tenses of “If I give my heart…” and “If I trust in you…”, respectively.

Many inconsistencies abound in the last verse:

So I hope you see that I
would love to love you
And that she will cry
when she learns we are two
If I fell in love with you

He uses the explicit future tense “will cry” with the past tense “If I fell”. Shouldn’t it be “..she will cry… if I fall in love”? The listener knows that John has already fallen in love with this new girl. But he has to temper his emotions and not reveal his new love to said girl. “If I fall in love…” would have made a good improvement, but “When I fall in love…” would have been the kicker, as would “When I give my heart to you…”, and “When I trust in you…” This makes sense because John predicts that “she will cry when she learns we are two.” Notice he said “when” and not “if”. Choose either the hypothetical “if” or the inevitable “when” and use it consistently throughout the song.

Father, father, there’s no need to escalate…

For some reason, I think of my dad, standing at the bottom of an escalator, asking my sister if he needs to go upstairs. Then she tells him that “there’s no need to escalate” and he understands.

…for only love can conquer hate.

Actually, the total annihilation of the human race could also conquer hate. But hate is not something in and of itself that should be conquered, though. For instance, I hate ignorance. I don’t think that some formless “Love” can swoop down and conquer the hate I have for ignorance. It’s ironic that most people are ignorant of my hate for ignorance. (This too I hate.)

Don’t punish me with brutality

So there’s some mob guy named Tony Butali from the Bronx. As a front for his organized crime, he owns a tea-bag “company” which he has named Butali Tea. When Tony needs to put the pressure on a rival, he ties the rival’s hands and feet to a chair and starts slapping him in the face with tea bags. Hence, don’t punish me with Butali Tea.

Oh my gosh! All this time I thought e.e. cummings was a woman.

Freaked me out: I got home from the latest and final Star Wars installment to find a message from Verizon spokesman James Earl Jones on my answering machine. :-)

Dude… I’m no. 1 on Google Images for the keywords small kurd.

What’s with the Sheryl Crow lyric “She likes lingerie, but he prefers the sombrero“? It seems simple at first, but if you think about it, it’s really vague. Does it mean that she likes lingerie, but he prefers that she wear a sombrero? Should she wear it in addition to the lingerie or instead of said lingerie? In this context, why would the man not prefer lingerie to a sombrero? Is this man Mexican? Or could it mean that he simply prefers wearing a sombrero on his head to wearing women’s underwear? Would this sombrero be worn in the traditional manner, or placed strategically in lieu of underwear?

Isn’t lingerie really just a shopping mall term for underpants? It’s like a man walking up to you and saying, “I like socks” or, “I like shirts.” If said in a certain, absent-minded way, this declaration could no doubt make one feel uncomfortable. The woman’s preference for lingerie, I think, is really just her acclamation that “I’m sexy and I’m in control.” The man, with his preference for a large Mexican hat is in effect saying, “I wear the pants in the family; I’m manly, I’m ethnic, and I’m out of control in my Mexican hat.”